now those of you who know me, know that i can sometimes have a highly demented sense of humor, so warning, some of this stuff may be very offensive, but no matter what is going on, bash.org makes me fall
[Abstruse] Bush: Iraq, you'd better get rid of your nuclear weapons or we'll bomb you! Iraq: We don't have any nuclear weapons. N Korea: We do. Bush: Well then get rid of your chemical weapons! Iraq: We don't have those either! N Korea: Ummm...we have nukes now. Bush: We KNOW you've got chemical and nuclear weapons! Get rid of them! Iraq: Even if we did, which we don't, we can't even hit the USA! N Korea: We can nuke California all we want.
[Abstruse] Bush: Shuddup North Korea, no one cares! Iraq, you'd BETTER disarm! Iraq: But we don't HAVE anything! N Korea: Oh fuck it, blow up Los Angelas... Bush: Iraq, I'm warning you... *BOOM*
[doppelganger] bush: "we are sick and tired of your missiles hitting us, iraq...but we cant understand why they are flying in from the pacific ocean!" north korea: "he CAN'T be that stupid." saddam: apparently he is. i myself havent even made any missile that goes beyond walking distance."
[toe2toe] the part i like is where IRAQ's going "we got nothing"
[toe2toe] and US is going "PFFFT WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU OUT"
[toe2toe] and then
[toe2toe] North Koreas going "CHECK OUT OUR NUKES, BUDDY"
[toe2toe] and US is going "Hey... are you iraq? no? THEN STAY OUT OF IT"
[Kythren] I think it would be hilarious if North Korea decided to launch a pre-emptive attack on the US while we're busy messing around with Iraq.
[Ryuujin] Kythren, NK has already warned they will
[Ryuujin] if the US doesn't stop shoving their troops into south korea
[Kythren] Coming soon from Jerry "I love explosions" Bruckheimer:
[Kythren] Pearl Harbor II : North Korea Strikes First!
[Ryuujin] Pearl Harbor III: We really should have seen it coming after the last two times
[Silence] If that wasn't so serious it might even be funny
[Kythren] Eh, I'll probably still be laughing about it when I'm being dragged up against the wall by their troops.
[SpunOne] To The Taliban:
[SpunOne] Give US Osama Bin Laden or we'll send your women to college.
[nersh] To the US:
[nersh] Leave us alone or we, the Taliban authorities would not hesitate to cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.
[Eskout] If You're Happy And You Know It - Bomb Iraq
[Eskout] If you cannot find Osama,bomb Iraq.
[Eskout] If the terrorists are frisky,
[Eskout] Pakistan is looking shifty,
[Eskout] North Korea is too risky,
[Eskout] Bomb Iraq.
[ClothHat] Isn't Canadian currency made out of tree bark or something?
[Cidolfas] CH: Isn't American currency made out of the skins of natives?
[ClothHat] That and broken treaties.
[|CS|Lothar] but it canadian money and we all know canadian money isnt worth the paper it's printed on
[Lareonis] Kinda like American treaties?
[s4xton] "fo shizzle ma nizzle" is a bastardization of "fo' sheezy mah neezy" which is a bastardization of "for sure mah nigga" which is a bastdardization of "I concur with you whole heartedly my African american brother"
[CompuMan] The tragedy of Canada is they could have had British culture, French cooking, and American technology, but instead they got American culture, British cooking, and French technology.
[crumpiano] i just discovered a revolutionary way to piss off my neighbor
[crumpiano] i can play porn and broadcast the audio out over the frequency of the radio station hes listening to
[crumpiano] he cant tell me to turn it down when its HIS stereo
[MAME] you're an asshole
[NES] I download something from Napster
[NES] And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
[NES] I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
[NES] "getting my song back fucker"
[Guo_Si] Hey, you know what sucks?
[Guo_Si] Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
[TheXPhial] black holes
[Guo_Si] Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
[Terrorwolf]YES! NOS CHOOL!
[ALW]Sounds like you need to get your ass back there to me.
[b00st] the average american pussy takes half a mile of dick every year
[CaStillo] damn negroes
[CaStillo] thatslike 5 of them
[LeoDV] Don't fight for fuel, stroke your tool!
[KANG] that's the worst slogan anyone has ever had
[LeoDV] Touch your sack, not Iraq!
[KANG] I stand corrected.
[LeoDV] War is heinous, thumb your anus!
[LeoDV] http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/ This is where heroes go when they die
[KANG] I hate you more than anything
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
[wolf] 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
[wolf] 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
[wolf] 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
[wolf] 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
[wolf] 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
[wolf] I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
[wolf] Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
[scirDSL] I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
[benja] A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
[benja] The survey was a huge failure...
[benja] In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
[benja] In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
[benja] In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
[benja] In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
[benja] In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
[benja] In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
[benja] And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
[leif] well I used to go to a "special" school for troubled kids, so our classes were really easy and pretty dumb. One of them was "work study" and I remember one day a few kids were playing jenga on the main "study" table, and i got the most exellent idea to grab a small model plane from the teachers desk, throw it at the blocks, then after they fell over I shouted " HEY GUESS WHO I AM?!?!"....
[leif] That's why i'm home schooled now :-(
and the real crazy part is that i left out the REALLY demented / retarded ones.... lol :) whew bash.org. awesome....