what are either of us supposed to do now ? it is irresponsible and selfish of me to think that you would just drop everything for me. it is responsible and very generous that you didnt say "stay", or "come back". more four letter words.
we must continue on.
i understand david.
But there is something that you must understand. And that is how dramatically you changed me.
I wonder if you have a full appreciation for what you have managed to do. You have smiled, giggled, and goofed your way deeply into my heart and soul. And then with tears and kisses, as I left, you held on to my heart. you still have it you know ? i can still see your face, the tears, the crying on the floor, the laughing, coffee at tim hortons, and holding you on the floor.
You kissed my neck, your tears rolled down onto my cheek and for the first time in two years, i thought of leaving the military after my current contract. my ex couldnt do that and I was going to marry her. Chicago couldnt do that and her word is usually law.
You see ?
You changed the whole game. All the rules, all the standards, everything I have come to think of as "normal" is now radically different. Aside from the peru pants, and dont sit there thinking that i dont know how you got around the ban, how the hell did you attain a position held so solidly.... those damn peru pants. I came out of the shower and saw them on the floor .....
I was thinking on the plane to chicago that I still completely failed to complete my objective, but somehow, when i left, that was ok. Now... time changes things i suppose.
I can still see your face as i stepped in the cab, i can still see you laying on the floor after i kissed your lips the second time. And feel my own tears on my cheek after i kissed your lips the first time, feel my failure.
but i did leave. part of me wants to believe that I should have stayed. i desperately want to hear you say those four letter words. but the rest of me knows that i had to go.
i'm sorry, maybe i shouldnt apologize.
but i will be back. first you left. and now, i have followed in your shoes.
i will be back...i have to.
1st Corinthians 13:4-8